Helping Your Child Handle Anxiety and Stress

Some consider childhood to be the most exciting and wonderful time in life, carefree and full of learning and exploration. Yet, even when a child is growing up in a stable, loving family, the child can still feel fear and anxiety.

Think back to when you were a child. There was so much that was new, and everything ‘new’ meant something not to be so sure about. You likely felt a bit anxious on your first day of school, or the first time that you met someone. Children often feel anxious when they go to the dentist or doctor, on their first day of summer camp, or when they are alone in bed at night in a dark room.

A child who feels anxious will show it in many ways. The child might cry, cling, act silly, run away, be very quiet, or have a tantrum as a way to avoid the situation that causes the anxiety. If your child has behaved in these ways when anxious, you might have tried talking about it as a way to help your child settle down. However, doing so doesn’t usually work very well.

Brain research indicates that it is very extremely difficult for a child to control their behavior or be able to think logically when feeling anxious or fearful. The experience of fear that they have in those moments is real, and they go into fight-flight-or-freeze mode in response.

Here are 3 ways that science shows you can help your child manage their anxiety and get back their sense of safety:

1)   Help Slow Their Breathing

When children get anxious, they breathe rapidly from their chest, just like adults do. Helping your child to take slower, deeper breaths from the abdomen will help them feel less anxious, because those types of breathes send a signal to their brain that they are safe and secure.

For older children, try having them follow along with you as you slowly breathe in to the count of 6 through your nose, and out through the mouth to a count a five, and repeat it a few times.

For younger children, there are fun, playful ways to help them learn to slow and control their breathing. One technique is to have them take a deep breathe in and then a slow breath out, pretending that they are blowing a giant imaginary bubble as they do so. They can also blow bubbles or pinwheels, or pretend that your fingers are birthday candles that they can blow out.  

2)    Have Silly Fun

Research has shown that humor helps to chase anxiety away. Humor is able to distract adults and children from anxious thoughts, helps to relax muscles, and releases pleasant endorphins in the brain that fight off stress and worry.

Telling silly jokes, making funny faces, having a tongue twister challenge, completing MadLibs, or playing games that have opportunities for laughter and giggles, are all easy activities to do with children to reduce their anxiety and stress.  The internet is a great source for jokes, riddles, and silly games to play that you can print out to have handy when needed.

3)    Stimulate the Vagus Nerve

Research has found that when the vagus nerve, located on both sides of the voice box, is stimulated, it stops the fight-flight-or-freeze mode and sends a signal to the brain that all is safe.

You can easily stimulate this nerve by having your child chew gum, gargle with warm water, or sing. Interestingly, eating a piece of dark chocolate, which also helps to regulate the parasympathetic system, can stimulate the vagus nerve.

All children will feel anxious or fearful at times. Yet, by using the three strategies talked about here, you can help your child learn to manage those feelings. If you think that your child could benefit from talking with someone or learning more strategies to handle anxiety and stress, please feel free to be in touch, and we’ll be happy to discuss this with you.